Twenty minutes into the future! Where the iPhone 5G is real. And terrible. And nothing to do with Apple. ● Twitter - www.twitter.com ● Extra Videos - www.youtube.com ● Facebook - www.facebook.com ● Web - www.ashens.com
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It starts off prehistoric, gets a bit musical then ends up medieval. Also there's a hat! ● Twitter - www.twitter.com ● Extra Videos - www.youtube.com ● Facebook - www.facebook.com ● Web - www.ashens.com
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Screwdrivers! Wine! Control pads! Fake meccano! Words! With exclamation marks after them! Charity link: www.facebook.com ● Twitter - www.twitter.com ● Extra Videos - www.youtube.com ● Facebook - www.facebook.com ● Web - www.ashens.com
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They're small and imperfectly formed - welcome to the slightly troubling world of Bionicle Of War 2 figures! In order to sidestep the legal difficulties involved with blatantly ripping off a popular video game franchise, the makers of these toys decided to swap the word "bionicle" for the word "gears". Because adding in the name of an utterly irrelevant product is good, yeah? So join all your favourite Gears of War characters (and "Domninic Santiago") as they struggle to come to terms with their monstrous, melting faces and their endless struggle against an enemy that refuses to hold guns!
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www.youtube.com for MORE! POP Stations! The scourge of portable entertainment. Produced in China to cash-in on whatever's popular at the time, they use a variety of fake cases and the same old LCD games. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. But what games are they, you scream? Super Mary! It's like Super Mario trapped in purgatory, leaping over empty platforms for all eternity. Crap. Street Overlord! It's like a version of Street Fighter that makes no sense, where you can fire your arms and legs at your opponent. Crap. Space Guardian! It's like a version of Buck Rogers And The Planet Of Zoom that doesn't work properly. Crap. Racing Car! Basic LCD car racing game. Crap. Submarine Invasion! You control a submarine which fires lines at aircraft overhead. Crap. Anti-Terrorism! Exactly the same game as Space Guardian, except the spaceships are replaced with men in balaclavas. Crap. Supreme Skiing! Exactly the same game as Racing Car, even down to inexplicably having high and low gears. Crap. Conclusion: Crap.
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Halloween again, eh? Time to nip off to the cheapest shops imaginable and come back with armfuls of hideous tat, then... What's better than 71 critters? 72 critters, of course! Well, approximately. Maybe a bag of tri-coloured skeletons, spiders and other Halloween staples doesn't really need counting. But is there anything more interesting to do...?
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Boys can't have all the fun! And by "fun" I mean "crappy knock-off toys that nobody wants." First up on our Poundland tour of girl's tat are a pair of cute little animals. One of which is likely to bite your arms off them chew on your torso. But hey, at least it has a little pink house! Then THE HORROR appears. An evil we dare not speak the name of. I destroyed it for the good of all - but those who fight monsters should take care that they never become one. For when you stand and look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you. Then we rustle up a fake My Little Pony. The cheapest way for a young girl to experience horse ownership without the negative aspects! (Such as the immense cost, the necessity of shovelling huge mounds of excrement, and having to shoot it in the head if it breaks a leg.) Next: A fake thing. Kind of an iPad. Kind of an iPhone. Mostly neither. But it does come with genuine PenesamiG batteries and makes weird shireky noises, so that's OK then. Finally: A sailboat with some funny writing on. Yes, I know that's not really relevant to the main idea. Think of it as one of those DVD extras which nobody watches! More videos every Friday. (Or Saturday if everything goes tits-up.) Subscribe now, Mister Bloke!
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Way back around 2001 I bought some fake Star Wars figures from Poundland. Now they're on the internet, stinking up your bandwidth like an off-colour Chewbacca. Because that's literally what one of them is. Standing twice as tall as a real figure and featuring blatantly stolen artwork, the exciting figures from the Galaxy Empire range help you re-enact famous scenes from Star Wars in the wrong colour! And don't even ask about Han Solo. Terrifying. Next up is a pair of fake Darth Vaders which make screeching and banging noises that seem to go on forever. I was genuinely slightly hurt reviewing these, which is always a hit with the audience. Finally I segue into a Metal Ball Warrior by way of Micronauts and magnets. What's a Metal Ball Warrior? Exactly what it sounds like, disappointingly.
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www.youtube.com for all your... extra... Ashens needs. Yes. Time for the Gamate. The handheld gaming system which should have used the tagline "You've never heard of it!" More obscure than an unpublished novel written by a 17th century Bavarian peasant who immediately ate the manuscript on completion then dropped dead, the Gamate offers low-level Gameboy-style fun together with really bad screen ghosting. And a horrible tinny speaker. Due to them costing a fortune, only two games appear in the video - Brick Blaster, in which you don't blast bricks but smash them with a ball, and Dino Ball, which appears to feature no dinosaurs whatsoever. But hey, at least the games come on nifty looking cards! More video-based frivolity at www.youtube.com - new video every Friday.
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I made this for the StickAID charity fest in 2011 where it was shown between live segments. It's never been uploaded to their channel so I'm spewing it out here for your viewing indifference. Kindly, merchandise-purchasing viewers will notice that this is an HD re-review of an item that appeared as part of a video on my DVD. Also - this video had to be exactly five minutes long to the second. Imagine how hard that is when you're making it up as you go along in a single take. I filmed about six failed versions where I ran out of time...
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www.youtube.com for more exciting video enjoyment. Ah, the eighties. A time when action figures were small, inexpensive and often really odd for one reason or another. And here's a random box full of them! On the menu today we have... The world's most neon DJ - Bizarre Schwarzenegger spin-offs - Star Trek's Doctor McCoy with hideous broken fingers - A soon-to-be-dead space family - The A-Team's secret link to the Love Boat - Superman's Dad with serious nasal problems - Ernest Borginine - A space enforcer from a seventies disco - Mork and regret - A bionic parentage dilemma - a wizard with mouldy underpants - post-apocalyptic truckers - the world's shiniest soldiers - half a dalek - and a legless Saddam Hussein. For dessert? Headache.
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It's made of metal and screws and can slice your hand open! What's not to like?
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www.youtube.com Click here to watch Halo Reach: Last Man Standing Gameshow Season 3 Episode 1! (Episode 45) Halo Reach: Last Man Standing Ashens vs PRAWN ASHENS VS PRAWN OMG OMG OMG TWO TITANS SQUARE OFF! The music in this video: - The music is from this royalty-free source: www.smartsound.com DIRECTOR'S CHANNEL: www.youtube.com DIRECTOR'S CHANNEL: www.youtube.com DIRECTOR'S WEBSITE: www.backyardgaming.com DIRECTOR'S TWITTER www.twitter.com DIRECTOR'S TWITTER: www.twitter.com DIRECTOR's FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - This video will show you: How to win prizes How to play Halo Reach How to get killed How to look stupid on Youtube How to Fail - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Like Machinima on Facebook! facebook.com Prove your gaming skills on the Respawn Army app therespawnarmy.com FOR MORE MACHINIMA, GO TO www.youtube.com FOR MORE GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE SPORTS GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE TRAILERS, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE MMO & RPG GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com Tags: yt:quality=high Halo Reach UPC 882224729741 Bungie Microsoft Game Studios Xbox 360 Xbox360 Live FPS First 1st first-person Person Shooter Spartan Covenant Elite Arbiter console video game machinima "how to" remember Tommy92l ask a spartan question grunt master chief christmas special Halo 3 Prawn Game show gameshow fun prizes competition interactive play <b>...</b>
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Stuart Ashens sits down with Myles Dyer at Stickaid 2011 for a chat followed by reviewing some gadgets in his own unique style. Donate Now www.justgiving.com Facebook www.facebook.com Chairty Single (In support of Stickaid 2011) itunes.apple.com Stickaid 2011 t-shirt www.districtlines.com Ashens Channel www.youtube.com
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www.youtube.com Click here to watch Halo Reach: Last Man Standing Gameshow Season 3 Episode 1! (Episode 45) Halo Reach: Last Man Standing Ashens vs BigDeeder ASHENS VS DEEDER OMG OMG OMG FRREE THE DEEEEEEEEEDER!! The music in this video: - The music is from this royalty-free source: www.smartsound.com DIRECTOR'S CHANNEL: www.youtube.com DIRECTOR'S CHANNEL: www.youtube.com DIRECTOR'S WEBSITE: www.backyardgaming.com DIRECTOR'S TWITTER www.twitter.com DIRECTOR'S TWITTER: www.twitter.com DIRECTOR's FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - This video will show you: How to win prizes How to play Halo Reach How to get killed How to look stupid on Youtube How to Fail - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Like Machinima on Facebook! facebook.com Prove your gaming skills on the Respawn Army app therespawnarmy.com FOR MORE MACHINIMA, GO TO www.youtube.com FOR MORE GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE SPORTS GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE MMO & RPG GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE TRAILERS, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE MMO & RPG GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com Tags: yt:quality=high Halo Reach UPC 882224729741 Bungie Microsoft Game Studios Xbox 360 Xbox360 Live FPS First 1st first-person Person Shooter Spartan Covenant Elite Arbiter console video game machinima remember Tommy92l ask a spartan question grunt master chief christmas special Halo 3 Prawn Game <b>...</b>
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Bit of a video that was previously available on the long sold-out Ashenthology DVD and briefly on the Ashens iPhone app.
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Link to TGWTG version: www.blisteredthumbs.net Guru Larry and Ashens raid the attic once again to play another children's board game based on an 80's arcade game. This time it's the Nintendo classic Donkey Kong!
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Aside form Sonic Generations, Ashens takes a look at the other piece of arbitrary plastic crap I bought last month.
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WATCH HERE: www.youtube.com Here is a promotional video for a collaboration between myself and some very clever people including brilliant internet chap Stuart Ashen. It was fun to make. www.youtube.com
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www.youtube.com Click here to watch Halo Reach: Last Man Standing Gameshow Season 2 Episode 24! (Episode 38) Halo Reach: Last Man Standing Gameshow Season 2 Episode 25! (Episode 39) To take part in future Last Man Standing episodes, Go to www.therespawnarmy.com and find the LMS thread! The music in this video - The music is from this royalty-free source: www.smartsound.com DIRECTOR'S CHANNEL: www.youtube.com DIRECTOR'S CHANNEL: www.youtube.com DIRECTOR'S WEBSITE: www.backyardgaming.com DIRECTOR'S TWITTER www.twitter.com DIRECTOR'S TWITTER: www.twitter.com DIRECTOR's FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - This video will show you: How to win prizes How to play Halo Reach How to get killed How to look stupid on Youtube How to Fail - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Like Machinima on Facebook! facebook.com Prove your gaming skills on the Respawn Army app therespawnarmy.com FOR MORE MACHINIMA, GO TO www.youtube.com FOR MORE GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE SPORTS GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE TRAILERS, GO TO: www.youtube.com FOR MORE MMO & RPG GAMEPLAY, GO TO: www.youtube.com Tags: yt:quality=high Halo Reach UPC 882224729741 Bungie Microsoft Game Studios Xbox 360 Xbox360 Live FPS First 1st first-person Person Shooter Spartan Covenant Elite Arbiter console video game machinima "how to" remember Tommy92l ask a spartan question grunt master chief <b>...</b>
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Stuart Ashen and Karen Hayley present their technology review show. With a film about Facebook up for an Oscar, they take a look at the latest blockbuster to cash in on The Social Network phenomenon. And for anyone who's ever thought Question Time would be much improved with the addition of near-fatal gladiatorial violence, Stuart interviews game design legend Ste Pickford of the Pickford Brothers...while trying to kill him with a light sabre. See more at bbc.co.uk/comedy/show/p00f7vdp/back_space/
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Stuart Ashens sits down with Myles Dyer at Stickaid 2011 for a chat followed by reviewing some gadgets in his own unique style. Donate Now www.justgiving.com Facebook www.facebook.com Chairty Single (In support of Stickaid 2011) itunes.apple.com Stickaid 2011 t-shirt www.districtlines.com Ashens Channel www.youtube.com
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Stuart Ashens sits down with Myles Dyer at Stickaid 2011 for a chat followed by reviewing some gadgets in his own unique style. Donate Now @ www.justgiving.com Facebook @ www.facebook.com Twitter @ www.twitter.com Stickaid 2011 Charity Single @ itunes.apple.com Ashen's YouTube Channel @ www.youtube.com Myles' YouTube Channel @ www.youtube.com
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is.gd for iPig purchasing. Time for some miscellaneous gadget reviews! Because I've got loads of stuff knocking round my house that I need to clear out. First up - the iPig. It's an iPod dock and speaker that looks like a big round pig. WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN Then! The Radio Gnome! And its terrifying gaze. Look into its eyes and the void stares back at you. And it's a particularly nasty void. Next is a fake camera. A tiny fake camera. That squeals like an injured rodent and hurts your eyes. Look, I don't make these things, OK? Finally, it's time for light-up USB decorations! Why do these things exist? No bloody idea, but it's fun to point at them and laugh.
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Every entry was a winner in a very meaningful, but not actually prize-winning, sense.
